It was a horrific end to a terrific day. A day that held such promise. His feet had barely touched the floor as he hurried through the palace, practically floating on a cloud of euphoria. He had been invited to dine with the king and queen at a special banquet. The guest list came from the queen and included only two names. King Ahasuerus. Haman. What an honor! Of all the people in service under the king, Queen Esther had chosen him. What a privilege!
What a bragging point! Before he even arrived at the banquet, Haman was imagining how he would regale the event to his family and friends. It was the best news he’d had since his promotion from puny to pompous some time back. This would certainly secure his place in the top echelon of society. So great would be his social status that he’d have only to snap his fingers and someone would come running to do his bidding. He’d need more servants, of course. Celebrities don’t do things for themselves. He’d be too busy anyway, fulfilling whatever it was the queen desired.
The fulfillment of the Queen’s desire turned out to be easy. She wanted dinner company again the following day. Again the list was short, containing the same names. King Ahasuerus and Haman. The king had agreed on Haman’s behalf. As if he’d ever decline. He wouldn’t. This second invitation could mean only one thing. He had found favor with the queen as well as the king. It was more than any man could ask.
Mind swimming with excited, arrogant tales to share with all and sundry, Haman rushed through the palace doors and headed for the gate. He had to get home. There was both bragging and celebrating to do! He hurried past groups of soldiers and clusters of servants. They all stopped their current task to bow in his presence as the king had commanded. Haman barely noticed. He usually loved it, reveled in it, encouraged it. Except today. Today his news usurped it. Today nothing could stop him, slow him down, snap him from his state of bliss. Nothing except a steely-eyed, ill-bred miscreant standing unbending near the king’s gate. His nemesis. Mordecai.
Like a well-placed pin in an airborne balloon, the sight of Mordecai standing arrow straight as he approached sucked the exaltation right out of Haman’s soul. The joy of all his blessings evaporating in the raging anger stirred by the one person who refused to appropriately exalt him. That Jew! Disrespecting his position and authority. Blatantly disobeying a direct order from the king. It was not to be borne. And even though he’d already set in motion the wheels of revenge, the day of slaughter seemed so far off. Every time he saw the insolent Mordecai, his hate and rage burned hotter. His hands clenched into fists. His mind imagined his sword piercing the heart of his enemy. Taking a deep breath, he restrained himself. He’d deal with Mordecai. Viciously. Permanently. Someday.
Today was not that day. Today he had something else to do. Today, he reminded himself, there was something new to brag about. Stifling the suffocating wrath burning a hole in his soul, Haman forced his feet to turn toward home. At home he was greeted appropriately. His wife respected him. His children obeyed him. His friends esteemed him. So great was their respect they were willing to listen to him recount ad nauseam his magnificent wealth. Stores of gold and silver. Multiple sons. Promotions from the king. Advancements above other officials and servants. And finally, the piece de resistance, Queen Esther had taken notice of him. He had dined with her that very day and would do so again the next. Who else in the kingdom could say the same?
It should have been enough. The wealth of his pockets, the prolific offspring, the honors and promotions, the special invitations. It should have been enough to make Haman content. He should have been happy with the things he had, the awards he’d won, the family that filled his home. Haman should have looked at his life and felt a sense of joy and contentment. He didn’t. In spite of being blessed with everything one could desire at that time in history, Haman was quite possibly the least happy man on earth. Why? Because he placed his happiness, his determination of enough, in the obeisance of one man. Mordecai. (Esther 3-5)
Given Haman’s obvious desire to have more, do more, be more, it is difficult to believe that Mordecai’s humble bow would have been enough to slake his thirst for more position and power, more acknowledgments and accolades. It stands to reason he would have looked for something more. Something better. Something else. Another promotion. Another pay raise. Another woman. Another house. Another battle. Why? Because Haman’s desires were entirely earth-based. His concept of enough was completely exterior to the need he was desperately trying to fill in his soul. Nothing would ever be enough because the emptiness of his soul could never be filled outside of God. In spite of all his earthly wealth, Haman couldn’t be content because his happiness, his enough, was in something that could never be enough.
We are often in the same position. Pushed and pressed by society to live up to their standards of success, we find ourselves working and striving and hoping for things that will never be enough. There is no such thing as enough when your focus rests on money, possessions, power, or popularity. They only make you want more. More followers, more views, more likes. They will keep you racing on an exhausted search for something you will never find, because you will never find enough unless you find your enough in God.
Ask Mordecai. Yes. I know. He isn’t exactly overflowing with elation. But he isn’t whimpering in obeisance before Haman either. When Mordecai clothes himself in mourning, it isn’t to gain personal attention or sympathy. No. His mourning is for his people and for the egregious sin being perpetrated against them. Yet no matter how deep his mourning, no matter how immense his concern, Mordecai still believed his God was enough. Enough to send a rescue. Enough to send a reprieve. Maybe it would be Esther. But even if she chose not to accept the challenge, Mordecai knows that he knows that he knows his God is enough for this current situation. God isn’t going to fail His people. He will raise up a rescue. Mordecai’s faith far outdistanced his grief because God was his enough. Not people. Not power. Not prestige. God alone. (Esther 4)
In a world continually struggling and striving, pressing and pushing you to be the next big thing, have the loudest voice, earn the corner office, make the biggest paycheck, in what is your enough? An elusive dream? A distant hope? A fond desire? Would the realization of those things bring contentment? Would they be enough to make you satisfied? Or would they leave you lacking, searching, wanting more? Is your enough strictly earthly or can it be found in things eternal? Is God enough for you? Is Jesus worth more than everything, worth more than anything? Is relationship with Jesus Christ, truly knowing Him, enough?
Like Haman, we’ve all spent a significant portion of our lives racing down side roads and searching every crack and crevice for the next thing to fill the crater of emptiness in our souls. We’ve found a million things. Great things. Exciting things. They were never enough. They never will be. Nothing will ever be enough until we find our enough in God alone. When we do, we will find He is everything we need. Our joy, our hope, our confidence, our strength. Our faith will rest in the blessed assurance that God is on our side and He is more than enough. Enough for today’s trials. Enough for tomorrow’s triumphs. Enough to keep us for time and eternity. Yes, friend, our God is more than enough. (Luke 1:35; Hebrews 13:6; II Corinthians 12:9; Isaiah 40:29; Nehemiah 8:10; II Chronicles 20:20; Psalm 121)
Thank you Naomi – what a blessing to start my day out with your gifted writings. Love the book of Esther and you brought it to life in the most inspirational way. I look forward to seeing your name popping up with another musing of yours because I know I will be blessed each message you pen to paper.
Blessings on you and your family