He never thought it would end like this. In the clandestine meeting to hammer out the monetary details of betrayal, Judas clearly never thought Jesus would allow the chief priests and elders to carry out their dastardly deeds. As he led the armed mob into Gethsemane, offered a cheeky greeting, and placed a breezy kiss of betrayal to Jesus’ cheek, he didn’t think the outcome would be so dire. It was the news of a condemning verdict and impending death that forced Judas to acknowledge the error of his thinking, the monumental flaw in his judgment, the glaring fault of his traitorous acts.
Was he really so naive to expect a different outcome? Did he know so little about the men with whom he dealt in dark corners and secret meetings? Could he have possibly believed Jesus would call down that legion of angels at His disposal to set Him free from their evil clutches? Had he witnessed miracle after miracle, redemption after redemption yet comprehended so little of what Jesus was on earth to do? Had he really been deceived into thinking his sin would unfold without great cost?
If Judas entered this agreement with such delusions, reality quickly disabused him of these notions. Regret and remorse gnawed at his soul. Guilt knotted his stomach. What had he done? Traded the life of the greatest Man he’d ever known for a couple handfuls of coins. Thirty to be exact. Thirty pieces of silver. It sounded like a bargain at the time. The greed of his sinful heart easily convincing him Jesus would find a way to escape the evil plot against Him. Surely no Man so great at evasion, so gifted with miraculous ability would allow Himself to be captured and killed. Yet, standing here, listening to the murmurs and cries around him, Judas knew it had happened. Jesus had no intention of fighting back. Not with Peter’s sword. Not with His legions of angels. Not even with His words. He was going to fulfill the words He uttered when He responded to the Pharisees who said Herod wanted to kill Him. Jesus was going to die. (John 18:10; Luke 13:31-33)
It was most assuredly Judas’ fault. His sin, his greed, had delivered Jesus to those men. They hadn’t come knocking at his door. He’d sought them out. He’d laid the groundwork to profit from Jesus’ betrayal. He’d led them to Gethsemane with a spring in his step and a smirk on his lips. This was all his fault. He might as well be the soldier laying Jesus on that cross himself, so deep was his guilt. (Matthew 26:14-16)
Desperately seeking to find respite from the crushing weight of guilt and sin, Judas rushes to the sanctuary to confront the chief priests and elders. He admits his sin, pours out his remorse. If he is looking for absolution, he’s in the wrong company. If he is hoping to reverse the course of their actions, his hopes are in vain. They want nothing to do with his backtracking. Not one of them cares for his plight. They feel no compassion. They care not at all about sin or guilt or innocence. They have a strict “No Return” policy. They don’t want their money back. They don’t want to change their course. They gleefully celebrate the success of their mission. They rejoice in Jesus’ impending death. As the chief priests and elders sneer in Judas’ face, he realizes there is nothing he can do to save Jesus from death.
Frustrated with their ambivalence and desperate to rid his soul of the all-encompassing guilt, Judas flings the money to the floor of the sanctuary. The bag thuds and jangles as it hits the floor. The top opens. Thirty pieces of silver scatter, rolling around the feet of cunning, evil chief priests and elders. Men with hate-filled hearts and over-inflated egos. Men who would rather crucify the Savior than crucify self to walk with Him. Too late Judas realized he had fallen in with the wrong crowd. He was not one of these men. He had tried to be. It had cost him. Far more than he wanted to pay. (Matthew 16:24-26; Galatians 5:24; Romans 8: 12-13; Luke 9:23-24)
Only a few short hours ago Judas had been fingering the coins, testing their weight in his hand, considering what would be his first purchase with his ill-gotten gains. Now he knew the truth. Those thirty silver coins cost more than they paid. They absolutely weren’t worth it. Nothing was. Not the excitement of cutting a deal with the chief priests. Not the fun of spending, gambling, or saving–whatever his plans were. Certainly not the black mark of greed on his own soul. None of it was worth the guilt, despair, and hopelessness that wracked his heart and drove him to the desperate act he next chose. Fleeing the temple, the chief priests and elders, the clinking coins, and the horrific results of his sin, Judas went out and hanged himself. (Matthew 26:14-16, 47-50; 27:1-5)
With the exception of Jesus’ crucifixion, there is no other Biblical account that tears at my heart like this one. It makes my breath catch, my stomach clench, my heart break. The desolation of Judas’ soul nearly reduces me to tears. I want to rewrite the story. I want to grab him, shake him, remind him of what he knows about Jesus. I want to remind him of Jesus’ love and compassion. Remind him of grace and forgiveness and mercy. Help him remember all the things Jesus preached, taught, and lived. I want to remind Judas that it was all for him. Breathtaking mercy and grace poured from God’s heart of extravagant love, followed Judas as he left that temple doorway, ran after him as he traveled down the darkened path, and wept bitterly when he chose to end his life instead of racing to salvation’s hill. I wish Judas had known. (II Peter 3:9)
Unfortunately, there seem to be a lot of things Judas didn’t know, didn’t realize were for him, didn’t believe applied in his circumstances. Perhaps he didn’t know he could stand along the path to Golgotha and cry out for forgiveness as Jesus passed by. Perhaps he didn’t realize he could fall at the foot of Jesus’ cross and find absolution from the grating guilt and damning sin. Perhaps he simply couldn’t believe all that love and grace and mercy Jesus had shown to the possessed, prostitutes, poor, reprobates, and hypocrites was still available for the one who denied, betrayed, and abandoned Him. It was still available for Judas. I wish he had known that the King of Heaven sent His Son to pay the ransom for Judas’ soul, for your soul, for every soul–every soul that will come to Him. It would have changed Judas’ life.
It will change your life too. Believing that the love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness of Jesus Christ reaches your cruddy, messy, unfit soul will change your life. No matter where you are or what you’ve done, don’t let it separate you from Jesus. Don’t run from Him, run to Him. Run to the foot of the cross, throw yourself, your sin, your brokenness before Him and let Jesus change your life. Maybe you look in the mirror and see damaged goods, a broken life, a scarred soul. Perhaps you find it unbelievable that a perfect God would want you when you look the way you do, have done the things you’ve done. Maybe the siren song of sin has led you down a path from which you think there is no recovery. Think again! This is why Jesus came. Jesus Christ came into the world for this express purpose–to save sinners! Hypocrites. Heretics. Deniers. Defiers. Me. You. Everyone. Anyone. All covered when the King of Kings stretched out his arms on a cross and paid the ransom for all mankind. (I Peter 2:24)
See, Jesus’ entire earthly ministry was a ransom mission. He didn’t come to pick and choose a few good people to get to Heaven. No. He came to save sinners. He came to give life. He came that “whosoever will” may come. Me. You. The enemy you hate. The friend you love. Jesus, the King who will reign over all earthly kings, put aside His kingly crown, left His heavenly throne, and came to ransom the souls of people who despise, abuse, ignore, and offend Him. He left the riches of Heaven to be born in a stable, live in a humble carpenter’s house, and die on a cross. Not because Heaven wasn’t wonderful. No. God paid a King’s ransom for your soul because He knew Heaven with you would be light-years better than Heaven without you. (I Timothy 1:15; John 10:10; Revelation 17:14, 22:17)
As angry as I am when the evil one whispers in your ear telling you to give up, give in, give over, I rejoice even more every time my mind pictures the King of Heaven with His arms outstretched in a ransoming sacrifice so that sinners like you and me can be saved. You are not worthless. You are not hopeless. You are not helpless or useless or any of the other “less” words the evil one uses to keep you from Jesus. The simple truth is this. The price of your soul was the death of a King. You are the reason Jesus came. So run to Him. His grace never runs out. His mercy never ends. His love never fails. Run to Him and let the forgiveness and peace of the King ransom your soul. (Ephesians 2:14; John 3:16; Romans 5:8; John 1:16; Romans 8:38-39)
Brand new mercies every morning.